Moods are the very key to accepting your work and maybe your life. What I’m getting at is, being aware of your emotional state lets you live with and accept the who you are. I see it like this…..there is a normal state of depression, a happy depression and a sad depression. There are divided sub states of depression in between each main category listed.
I am not a shrink or trained professional so take what I say as a well learned and lived patient. I didn’t learn from textbooks, web info, lectures or anything like that. I learned from the other side of the couch the pros sit on.
I know a few things. I know that what gets me going photographically, is finding my emotions on the street. Yeah, i been told I have no heart, no feelings. Agreed, I’m an idiot and thats why I make photos. I want to find my emotions out there. Maybe connect with myself and see how I fall in line with others and the world. Isn’t that what most of us want? To see how we fall in place with the world?
See, that’s where I have a problem. I was never the one to fit in. I was never the right cog that helps to make things move. Well, not so true. I’ve mentored enough people to know that I have helped them get into shape with their art. Photography.
I’ve been asked a number of times why I make so many strange photos. Why dark, loneness and kinda out of the mix. Well, in my current state of depression, (subject to change at a moments notice without warning), I think that I always wanted to be true to my self. Well, within the framework of WHO I perceive myself to be and the expectations of what or who I perceive I will or should become.
See, there are many variables in life and that’s what makes it interesting to live or die. It’s also one cause of depression.
Look at it like this. If you allow the masses to effect what and why you do what you do, in time, you’ll get depressed because you sacrificed your inner individuality to meet the common preconceptions of the masses so that you fit or attempt to fit in. This is a very common situation. You go to social media and you send photos yo your site and it’s a shower of instant gratitude to make you feel better. Congrats because you are well on your way to being the shooter everyone says that is great.
I’m not being cynical because really, I don’t give a fuck about that shit and I don’t give a fuck about what I’m writing either. That does not discount the truth of the matter and that is that social media, that we ultimately allow to direct, effect, affect, control, support, destroy, love, hate, and get DEPRESSED about, exist and we need to find a way to deal with it.
We need to dissect our motives of why we make photos. Not the HOW of what we are doing but the WHY. If we don’t address this and many wont, what will happen is that we will fall into the dark abyss of uncertainty where all the shooters that do things because others give them gratitude perish.
You wanna talk about depression? That’s hell and depression is the escape from there. Think that no matter how deep your depression gets, it’s a scratch on the surface of the abyss of uncertainty. This is the turning point.
The anti-I do my life for you shit..
You wanna talk about bright sun, F11 1/500 ISO 200……..this may not be the place for you.
If your interested in trying to find yourself and maybe discovering something about me, well… maybe this is a good spot. No promises.
I know this. I Make photos because I have to. The ones I really feel a connection to are usually the ones others don’t respond to or understand. I used to get upset about that.
It added to my depression and I would feel like I didn’t fit in. Then one day a long time ago in a far off galaxy, I decided…..I’m in this for me. I love to share but I’, make photos for me and I’ll die with my camera in my hand……
ohhhhh don’t worry, I’m coming back and real soon too………..