They say, “Lifes a bitch and then you die”. Ok, I got something to say about that. Everyone close your eyes…..sit back and I’m taking you to the start of the growing season here in Philly. Keep em closed….it’s warm and our Crocuses and Tulips and Daffodils are starting to come up. We are excited because the garden means we can do things and not fight too much. Oh yeah, as long as I do things according to Mrs Shooters plans, no fight. The garden is a proving grounds for love and lasting relationships.
Hey, I didn’t make it up, some old couple back in the Roman Empire days did, I’m just passing it on to youse. Well, here’s the point. Youse alls eyes are still closed and you’re warm in the garden as I’m out here freezing my ass off. So, the squirrels see our garden as the local grocery store. Yeah, no kidding. They go up and down the aisles, grab some strawberries, maybe raspberries or even some lettuce or whatever they want.
They like to dig the bulbs up. I planted 350 2 years ago. They were Snow Crocuses. Beautiful and a sure sign that winter is ending. Now, I had 7 last spring. Yep, grocery shopping for squirrels. and actually play together. We even got a killer cat. Barsik the killer cat. He’s like 26 lbs and the king of the garden. Well, he’s a pacifist. him and the squirrels are friends, they play together. Just great.
I got my son-in-law to get me a BB gun. I’m in the garage and I got my camos on, night vision helmet, radio commo, air support, my trusty BB gun ready to slaughter the squirrels. Tanya comes to the garage, now the firing range. She looks at me. What are you doing? I’m getting ready to launch an attack.
She grabs the gun, looks at me and says, look my hero, I made tea and Russian salad. I never did see the gun again.
We needed water and a few small things from the market. So I put on my backpack and head to the store in the snow. I get everything and start to head home and low and behold, there, there right in front of me is Ralph the squirrel. He’s not looking too good. Actually, he’s preserved from the cold.
I pull my TG-4 out of my pocket and look at Ralph and make a photo. Of course, I can’t be sure it’s actually Ralph the squirrel. I mean maybe it’s Ralphess the lady squirrel. I felt in that moment, that we need to appreciate life in all its forms. Maybe I saw the light that squirrels are really my friends and I need to make the garden and slave out there and listen to Tanya tell me I do everything wrong unless it’s done her way so we don’t get to eat anything but we have fat ass squirrels running around and I’m supposed to be grateful that the squirrels bless me by eating and destroying everything and making houses in the trees so when I walk by they can drop squirrel turd on me head.
Nah… wait till Springtime you bastards, we go to war again.. For now, I take a moment to remember Ralph the squirrel.
Ok, that’s enough….. stay warm youse fine peeps…….