Now we all know that Jimi had many things right. I mean a generation of people learned a new and brilliant way of thinking. Well, Jimi said one thing that I find as an untruth. “….ain’t no life nowhere….”. Well, here in Philly with Andre’ the Fuji X100s, if you look around “….there’s life everywhere….”.
When I was younger and had more innocence, hmmmmmm well innocence for sure, I would see the world as interesting place photographically. I adopted a premise for my work while in VietNam. See, I was surrounded by life of all forms but in a fraction of a second, the world was transformed to a place where nightmares are real and not dreams, friends I talked with and ate with and smokes with were no longer a part of this world and now they would be memories that would haunt me to my elderly age and still live inside my soul and mind.
The point of this is, that as many are taught to “See as if seeing for the first time”. There’s such a beautiful innocence in that statement and method of working, seeing.
I envy those that can live in a world like that and make photos.
For me it’s a different approach. I have no choice in how I work. I don’t want a choice either. I am doing everything wrong in my work and because of that, I am doing everything right in my work. I don’t ask opinions about my work and I don’t want or need them either. This work is my death, not yours.
For me, I works as if…”seeing something for the last time….”.
What’s the Fuji X100s have to do with all this? Think about it and then come back and continue reading. If I feel this way about my work, I need a camera that feels that way to. Ok, so the camera might not feel but it should let me feel, right. Well, that’s what Andre’ the Fuji X100s has to do with this. Andre’ lets me experience and photograph life as if I will never see the subject again. Try as hard as you will, you will never see the subject the exact same as you do right now. All things change in the blink of an eye or the beat of a heart.
Sound like sentimental bullshit. Ok, go look at photos of you family that passed on. I’ll wait for a min……………………………………………….. C’mon, dry the tears, we all have that emotional feeling for the lost moment. We all lost friends, family, pets, everything we get attached to or not attached to.
The assumption of seeing for the first time means that we can be arrogant enough in our work to think we have a power that if we blow the photo this first time, we can always get another later, better and more important… yeah, it’ll be better next time around.
I wish I had THE LORD tell me that my time is going to run for many, many decades and all be healthy years. I could go thru life not worrying about anything, not paying attention to anything around me and then the process of making photos would be different.
I do pray every night. I don’t pray for more time, more money, isn’t that being selfish? My prayers are my business but the point again is, I never got those messages from THE LORD or anyone else for that matter. So I figure that my time on the planet will run out someday I know this, I am ready but not yet. Doesn’t it make sense for me to make photos that are kinda like memories.?
So, If I photograph as if I’m seeing something for the last time, then when I look at the photos, they will have almost a private loneliness about them. lonely becaue I miss that moment right now and I will always miss that moment.
I wonder if that moment will miss me?
So I decided this summer I would just make photos because I can and because I want to. That’s what I’m doing and I’m doing most with my FujiX100s because that camera is a gas to work with. This of course doesn’t mean I can get away with bullshit because I can’t. I won’t let myself anyway. I will let myself work in a manner that pleases my soul and my heart.
Sometimes I wish I was the shooter that hated the camera being used. I mean, “this damn Leica, Nikon, Canon, Olympus camera never does what it’s supposed to do. I can’t get a shot right with this crappy camera.
Man o’ man.. lucky to be that shooter.
See, if I’m having problems out there finding my photos, it’s not the FujiX 100s at fault, it’s my fault. So I can’t blame anyone or anything but myself. I do that a lot too, ask my VA Shrink.
I’ll be back tomorrow my friends.